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Wedding Planning in a Recession – Q&A Time

  • July 30, 2009 at 3:19 am

We have responded to some questions from a reporter and thought you would find the answers interesting.

Is the idea that a wedding has to be a $30,000 staged luxury event keeping some couples from tying the knot until they have more money or the economy improves?

We have heard from some couples who have been engaged for years and are still putting off their wedding date primarily for financial reasons. They didn’t think that they could afford their dream weddings and didn’t want to give up on their dreams either so they were waiting and waiting.

It naturally takes a young couple just starting out a long time to save 20-30k for a wedding so, often, they continue to wait until they finally decide that they really need to just get married.

Usually at this point they start looking for ways to plan their dream wedding at an affordable cost — that’s when they find us.

The truth of the matter is that this idea that a nice wedding event has to cost tens of thousands of dollars is simply not true.

The problem is that many brides and grooms often do not have the discipline to stay within their wedding budget.

Most brides and grooms have an idea of how much they can afford for their wedding but they do not have a plan for achieving their goal and end up spending twice as much as they expected.

They have an attitude that as long as they are going to go into debt for their big event they might as well go all out.

What they don’t know is that most brides and grooms do not spend anywhere near as much money as these numbers we hear in the media.

You see, when you hear that couples on average spend $30,000 (now, it’s closer to $20,000 with this recession), you think that the average couple spends that much on their wedding. Not so!

Back when we were hearing that the average cost of a wedding was nearly $29,000, wedding industry insiders could have told you that actually 4 out of 5 couples would spend less than that. In fact, a full 50% of couples would spend less than HALF of that!

We suspect that this is still the case with today’s national average of $20,398. So, the average couple spends much less than the average cost of a wedding. It is the not-so-average couples from wealthy families that skew these numbers. (statistics from TheWeddingReport.com )

But the wedding industry doesn’t make money by putting brides and grooms in touch with reality — the wedding industry makes money by telling couples that this is the most important day of their life and that it is their once in a lifetime opportunity to make their dreams come true.

At least that has been their strategy. Perhaps the strategy will change now that they have a bunch of couples fooled into thinking that they cannot afford to get married.

According to a recent FindLaw.com survey, 40% between the ages of 18 and 34 say they are waiting to get married and have children due to the current economic climate. So, there are a lot of couples out there who aren’t giving the wedding industry a dime right now because they think they have to save up for a wedding costing a small fortune.

Is it ever smart to delay a wedding just because you haven’t saved “enough?”

Couples need to be financially responsible; however, they must also be practical about their relationship. Couples need to be aware of extra stresses on their relationship while they are waiting to tie the knot.

They have chosen to live the remainder of their lives together and it is natural for them to want to begin experiencing as soon as possible the complete unity found in marriage.

Some couples seem to be able to tolerate long waits while they are saving up for the wedding and honeymoon. Others find the waiting period to be stressful and uncomfortable and are eager to discover how they can achieve their dream wedding at an affordable cost.

On the other hand, is it ever smart to go into debt for a wedding?

We think that couples understand better now the importance of avoiding wedding debt. Job security is at an all-time low and couples now realize that they cannot assume that they can be happy living with wedding debt hanging over their marriage.

We know that financial troubles are very much connected to marriage troubles. The two go hand in hand. That is why we find it so sadly ironic when couples go into debt on their wedding day of all times. They create debt trying to start a happy life when in fact that debt will invariably produce stress and tensions in their new life together making it more difficult than ever for them to have a happy marriage.

Brides and grooms should keep in mind that whether they are on a tight budget for their wedding now or not, they will very likely be on a tight budget once they are married and trying to build a life together. Will they remember their marriage day as a happy event in their life? Or will they wish they had a way to go back in time and spend their money more wisely so they wouldn’t be starting their new life together with so many financial headaches?

We feel that there is an unfortunate superstition among brides that their wedding day will foretell the quality of their future married life together. They feel that if they have a ‘perfect’ wedding day then they can expect a ‘perfect’ married life together.

This superstition does not hold up under analysis and if that ‘perfect’ wedding day was achieved through debt then it may more likely predict a difficult life together with some real struggles ahead.

Are parents still paying for these $30,000 affairs?

Even before the recession, many couples were paying for their own weddings. TheKnot.com did a survey of 18,000 couples married in 2008 that reveals that 43% of couples were paying for their own weddings. 44% of the brides were receiving help from their parents and 12% of the grooms’ parents also contributed.

Whether the parents will be paying or even contributing to the wedding costs has always depended on a number of factors.

First, is the couple financially dependent on the parents? If so, they are more likely to have their wedding taken care of too. However, the marriage age is rising and most young people have left the nest and are on their own by the time they get married.

Couples who have started their careers and have left the home or have independent attitudes will probably not receive much help from their parents because their parents feel like the couple can take care of themselves or because the couple themselves feel like they should provide for their own wedding needs.

Second, we should ask if the parents’ are financially able to pay for a wedding. With many parents getting laid off and seeing their stock-market based retirement funds shrivel up, they may not be able to help much, if at all, with the cost of a wedding. Also the young adults are not as likely to seek help from their parents when they know that their parents are struggling to make ends meet.

The percentage of couples paying for their own wedding expenses has been steadily rising and we expect to see this trend continue.

It isn’t common wisdom, but we wouldn’t be surprised to see the cost of weddings drop further even after this recession as more young couples take responsibility for their own wedding costs.

Paying for an event out of your own bank account (instead of your parents’) has a way of making people more practical.

We hope the weddings of the future are not so much about things that money can buy but more about celebrating love and unity with friends and family.

Anyone who wants to have a beautiful special wedding can easily achieve their goals without going into debt. We see it all the time with the couples that visit the resources on our site and share their success stories with us after using the guidance available in our Seven Wedding Planning Secrets mini-course and our instantly downloadable book ‘Wedding Planning on a Budget.‘

Couples are happily surprised to find that their wedding day is actually even more special to them because they had to prioritize and plan the day for the purpose of celebrating their marriage commitment (not just a showy event) and they find that their wedding day is not impersonal but truly reflects who they are because they put their own special touch on each aspect of the carefully planned day.

Guys: Planning a Wedding Just Got Easier

  • July 27, 2009 at 3:08 am

Today, we would like to share an article on wedding planning written from a guy’s perspective. Hope you find it helpful.

Planning a Wedding Just Got Easier

By David C. Reynolds

The first mistake a newly engaged man makes is to believe and follow the ‘accepted norm’ that women relish planning their wedding and all men have to do is nod and say yes to everything and figure out a way to pay for it. While this ‘customary norm’ does not necessarily guarantee divorce down the road, it certainly serves to steer you in that direction from the get-go.

Why? Because women want their men to be more than just the man in the tux at the alter and they want them to actually SHARE in the planning of their special day.

Men hear this and want to run in the opposite direction – thinking ALL sorts of conflicts will ensue if they try to share in the planning. Or that they will be over ruled every step of the way anyway.

Women however will tell you that they want their future spouse to be involved in the planning – not always in the decision making, but at least in the planning. This carries forward to their married years also – men who are distant from family decisions tend to be less supportive. And in the end, this is what most women want above all else – support.

Even if you don’t agree, it is better to go through the decision making process together than to leave one party with all the decisions. If for no other reason than the one decision maker gets tagged with all the blame if something doesn’t work just perfectly. Many a bride has burned themselves out before the honeymoon ever arrives because they had to do ‘everything’.

Weddings are NOT something most men growing up desire to plan. For many, the sheer enormity of the planning makes them ill. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Many men realize that just engaging in the process pleases their future bride and tends to smooth the relationship road over the long term, a road that we all know can get quite bumpy.

Listening and communicating are traits most women say they desire in a man and the smart man is one who offers these from the very beginning of the wedding planning process.

This process is most likely going to end with a lot of ‘give and take’, so the best plan is to start giving and taking early on and establishing a wholesome pattern for the rest of your married life.

David C. Reynolds is an author and longtime veteran of the Hotel business who offers common sense, money saving travel tips and advice. He also writes on relationship issues and co-authored a honeymoon budget book. He now invites you to explore the wedding planning process and learn how this vital communication issue can be enjoyed by all parties. Go to www.TheWeddingPlanningGuru.com

Gracious Ways to Manage a Wedding “B” List

  • July 23, 2009 at 4:49 am

wedding guest invitationsThe new concept in wedding invitations is to send your wedding invites out in two batches. First send your invitations to those on your A-list. Then, once those on your A-list have RSVP’d you can send out your invites to those on the B-list. This is a method of controlling how many guests attend your wedding when you have more guests you would like to invite than you are able to invite.

We recommend avoiding the A-list / B-list method of inviting people if you can. But we understand that for some brides and grooms it may be very tempting to give this a try in order to accommodate a small venue or a tight budget.

The tricky thing is making sure that no one discovers that they were on the B-list — in fact, you don’t want anyone to even suspect that there is a B-list!

One way to do this is to make sure that you keep each social circle together on one list or another. For instance, your work colleagues should all either be on the A-list or on the B-list. If you make the mistake of inviting one of your co-workers with the A-list and have the rest of them on the B-list, then they are all going to be wondering why they didn’t get an invitation yet.

Since social circles intersect this can really get messy.

Another problem is that the success of this method of inviting people to your wedding is entirely dependent on each person faithfully RSVP’ing.

Realize that many of those invited will not be great about RSVP’ing. They will assume that “of course they know I’ll be there for their big day” OR “I’m sure they don’t need to know that we aren’t going to be able to make it.”

This can make the A-list / B-list option a bit challenging.

If you decide not to have a B-list, we recommend inviting about 15-25% more people than you hope to have at your wedding. Chances are only about 75-85% of the people will be able to make it.

You should also send an invitation to relatives and close friends even though they will obviously not be able to make it. For instance, send an invitation to your aunt and uncle who live on the other side of the country. They will be happy to have an invite from you as a token of your wish that they be a part of your big day.

Here is an article about list management that we think you will find a big help:

Gracious Ways to Manage a Wedding “B” List
by Guy Antonelli

It is a fact of life: when you are planning a wedding, you can rarely invite everyone that you would like to. Either the budget is too small, the venue is too tight, or your family is just too big. One way that some couples handle this dilemma is by grouping their wedding guest lists into “A”s and “B”s.

In a nutshell, the “A” list is the group of people that you will definitely be inviting to your wedding. This group usually includes your immediate family, attendants, close friends, and the random people that your parents insist on inviting to your wedding because they are paying for it. The “B” list will typically be people that you would like to have, space permitting. “B” lists are generally populated by people such as more recently acquired friends, old college chums you haven’t seen in a while, and your co-workers.

The way to create the “A” list is to add up everyone that you must have at your wedding, and then keep going with names from your extended circle until you have hit the limit of either your venue or budget. Do this as if every single person on the list will actually be coming (which of course, they won’t). In other words, if your venue can only seat 110 people, then your list should have exactly 110 names on it – and don’t forget to include the bride and groom in this head count! You now have your “A” list.

Anyone who did not make the initial cut is now officially on your “B” list. Okay, so far, so good. As the R.s.v.p.s start to roll in from the first set of invitations, you can invite one person from the “B” list for each declined invitation. From here on in, things can get a little trickier. The wedding invitations need to be sent out to the “A” list well in advance of your wedding date, usually at least 8 weeks, but sometimes even more. Where it gets dicey is that you have to finagle responses from all of the guests on your “A” list much earlier than usual – four weeks before the wedding at the minimum. If people ask why you need to have your answers so early, blame the caterer; whatever you do, never let on that you have a “B” list waiting in the wings.

Let me repeat: no one should know about the “B” list (though some may suspect, based on the timing of the invitations). It is not improper or poor etiquette to have an “A” list and a “B” list, however it would be terrible if any of the “B” listers were made to feel like they were your second choice guests. This means that when you are sending out the invitations, you must do so based in part on the social and familial circles of your invitees. You can’t invite your friend Sally eight weeks before the wedding, but send out a last minute invite to her sister Margaret. If people are going to talk, put them both on either the “A” or “B” list together to avoid hurt feelings.

Some people find the idea of two separate guest lists to be highly offensive. If you feel this way, then there are a few other paths that you can take. One of the nicest things that a couple can do is to scale back on the luxury of the wedding to be able to include everyone who is near and dear to them. Maybe you have to have your reception in a mid-range hotel instead of a ritzy private club, but in the end, you may find that who you have at your wedding is more important than where you have it.

Other couples will find other cost-cutting solutions to be able to expand their guest list. For instance, you can have a brunch instead of a sit-down evening reception. Another way to cut expenses is to order your bridesmaid jewelry sets online. You can find truly beautiful handcrafted bridesmaid jewelry sets made from Swarovksi crystals and freshwater pearls – they will look like a splurge, but can actually be very affordable bridesmaid gifts. Some other things that you can order online to save on costs include wine (depending on the laws of your state), invitations, and wedding jewelry for the bride.

Whether you decide to have a two part guest list, or simply to cut your expenses so you can expand your guest list, the key is to be gracious. If you do have an “A” and a “B” list, be careful to keep that piece of information private. As long as you make all of your guests feel welcome and wanted, your wedding is sure to be a fabulous success.

Guy writes on many subjects including travel, customs and society.

Guy encourages you to visit www.SilverlandJewelry.com for lots of wedding jewelry ideas. He points out that Bridesmaid jewelry sets make a thoughtful gift from the bride.

Wedding Superstitions

  • July 20, 2009 at 6:24 pm

When we were planning our wedding, we were surprised at all the superstitions we came across.

They were all essentially the same: If you don’t do this or that or if such and such happens, then you will not have a happy marriage.

Here are a few examples of popular wedding superstitions…

  1. On our wedding day we had a guest complaining that we should not have scheduled our ceremony for the noon hour because apparently it is bad luck to get married while the minute hand is falling. Instead, you should say your vows when the minute hand on the clock is going upwards. This makes you work together in your married life together.
  2. Another superstition is that if it rains on your wedding day then you will shed many tears during your married life.
  3. Alternatively, rain on your wedding day may mean that you will be blessed with many children. …Do you think the many children and many tears are connected somehow? just kidding.
  4. We have also heard it said that if your wedding dress is ripped on your wedding day then your marriage will end in death. Sounds horrible but shouldn’t that be the goal?
  5. It is supposed to be a bad omen if the newlywed wife stumbles as she walks into the house – that is why she is carried over the threshold.
  6. It is recommended that a bride put a penny in her shoe to ensure wealth in her marriage.
  7. It is popularly considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding ceremony.
  8. Another superstitious belief is that it is good luck for the bride to get married in white.

Whether superstitious or not, we find that many brides have an unspoken expectation that if their wedding day is perfect then they can expect a perfect marriage.

Newlywed GuideLike the above superstitions, it is silly to think that your wedding day has to be perfect in order to enjoy a perfect marriage.

Of course, you should want your wedding day to go well. But don’t put so much pressure on your wedding day.

If only it were as simple as having one good day to make all the future days of your marriage go well too. The truth is that you will have to put a conscious effort and energy into each and every successful day of your marriage.

As you plan your wedding and even on your wedding day, don’t assume that your wedding planning efforts and perfect ceremony and reception are giving you a perfect marriage. Your preoccupation with wedding planning may be hard on your relationship. Make sure that you are finding quality time for one another and that you haven’t lost sight of the one thing that will give you a happy marriage: Loving Commitment to the Successs of Your Relationship

To show you how we have achieved a very happy marriage (going on 6 years now) despite violating quite a few wedding superstitions, we want to give you a copy of our newest book: The Newlyweds’ Guide to a Happy Marriage: How to Keep that Honeymoon Feeling

Do you know of any wedding superstitions to share with us?

We would also be interested to know your opinion of wedding superstitions?

Who Got the Marriage Starter Books that You Gave Away?

  • July 15, 2009 at 6:24 pm

We recently did a blog giveaway of our three marriage starter books. Today we want to share with you the results of the book giveaway so that you can get to know the winners.

Every participant was a winner.

Newlywed GuideBy posting a comment to the blog entry sharing why they needed to save money and what they were doing to save money on their wedding, each respondent received a set of three prizes including our book The Newlyweds’ Guide to a Happy Marriage

Meet the 2nd Place Winner

Our 2nd place winners are Steve and Anne who plan to get married this fall.

They are on a super tight budget for their wedding with an allowance of just $2,000.

Their tip to other brides and grooms on a tight budget is to use Craigslist for your wedding purchases. Anne writes, “So far, I have bought a wedding dress, shoes and veil, all unused, off of Craigslist for a total of $125!”

Steve and Anne’s lucky entry has won them The Newlyweds’ Guide to a Happy Marriage and the wedding planner’s perfect companion Wedding Planning on a Budget.

wedding planning on a budget Newlywed Guide

And the 1st Place Winner

Steven and Mishia are the very lucky winners of our complete set of marriage starter books.

Mishia writes of their love story: “We met in Junior High and were best friends since! A few years ago our friendship became something more and I could not be happier! He proposed on Valentine’s day last year and it has always been my dream to have a Winter Wedding!”

This romantic couple will be married on December 19th of this year.

Steven and Mishia hope to plan their dream wedding for less than $5,000. As Mishia says, “I need to save money so that we can have money for other things such as bills!”

The set of books they won should help them meet their wedding planning goals. They are receiving a full set of our three marriage starter books Wedding Planning on a Budget, The Ultimate Honeymoon on Any Budget, and The Newlyweds’ Guide to a Happy Marriage.

wedding planning on a budget Ultimate Honeymoon Planner Newlywed Guide

Congratulations and Thank You!

To each and every one of our book giveaway winners, we give a hearty congratulations and heartfelt thank you.

The comments you posted about your experiences in planning your dream weddings on a budget will be helpful to everyone who takes the time to read your comments.

We wish every reader of this blog post a beautiful, dream-come-true wedding. You don’t have to be a winner of our book giveaway to get your hands on our books. You can download the books for yourself and learn how to start out your marriage right while saving money.