The new concept in wedding invitations is to send your wedding invites out in two batches. First send your invitations to those on your A-list. Then, once those on your A-list have RSVP’d you can send out your invites to those on the B-list. This is a method of controlling how many guests attend your wedding when you have more guests you would like to invite than you are able to invite.
We recommend avoiding the A-list / B-list method of inviting people if you can. But we understand that for some brides and grooms it may be very tempting to give this a try in order to accommodate a small venue or a tight budget.
The tricky thing is making sure that no one discovers that they were on the B-list — in fact, you don’t want anyone to even suspect that there is a B-list!
One way to do this is to make sure that you keep each social circle together on one list or another. For instance, your work colleagues should all either be on the A-list or on the B-list. If you make the mistake of inviting one of your co-workers with the A-list and have the rest of them on the B-list, then they are all going to be wondering why they didn’t get an invitation yet.
Since social circles intersect this can really get messy.
Another problem is that the success of this method of inviting people to your wedding is entirely dependent on each person faithfully RSVP’ing.
Realize that many of those invited will not be great about RSVP’ing. They will assume that “of course they know I’ll be there for their big day” OR “I’m sure they don’t need to know that we aren’t going to be able to make it.”
This can make the A-list / B-list option a bit challenging.
If you decide not to have a B-list, we recommend inviting about 15-25% more people than you hope to have at your wedding. Chances are only about 75-85% of the people will be able to make it.
You should also send an invitation to relatives and close friends even though they will obviously not be able to make it. For instance, send an invitation to your aunt and uncle who live on the other side of the country. They will be happy to have an invite from you as a token of your wish that they be a part of your big day.
Here is an article about list management that we think you will find a big help:
Gracious Ways to Manage a Wedding “B” List
by Guy Antonelli
It is a fact of life: when you are planning a wedding, you can rarely invite everyone that you would like to. Either the budget is too small, the venue is too tight, or your family is just too big. One way that some couples handle this dilemma is by grouping their wedding guest lists into “A”s and “B”s.
In a nutshell, the “A” list is the group of people that you will definitely be inviting to your wedding. This group usually includes your immediate family, attendants, close friends, and the random people that your parents insist on inviting to your wedding because they are paying for it. The “B” list will typically be people that you would like to have, space permitting. “B” lists are generally populated by people such as more recently acquired friends, old college chums you haven’t seen in a while, and your co-workers.
The way to create the “A” list is to add up everyone that you must have at your wedding, and then keep going with names from your extended circle until you have hit the limit of either your venue or budget. Do this as if every single person on the list will actually be coming (which of course, they won’t). In other words, if your venue can only seat 110 people, then your list should have exactly 110 names on it – and don’t forget to include the bride and groom in this head count! You now have your “A” list.
Anyone who did not make the initial cut is now officially on your “B” list. Okay, so far, so good. As the R.s.v.p.s start to roll in from the first set of invitations, you can invite one person from the “B” list for each declined invitation. From here on in, things can get a little trickier. The wedding invitations need to be sent out to the “A” list well in advance of your wedding date, usually at least 8 weeks, but sometimes even more. Where it gets dicey is that you have to finagle responses from all of the guests on your “A” list much earlier than usual – four weeks before the wedding at the minimum. If people ask why you need to have your answers so early, blame the caterer; whatever you do, never let on that you have a “B” list waiting in the wings.
Let me repeat: no one should know about the “B” list (though some may suspect, based on the timing of the invitations). It is not improper or poor etiquette to have an “A” list and a “B” list, however it would be terrible if any of the “B” listers were made to feel like they were your second choice guests. This means that when you are sending out the invitations, you must do so based in part on the social and familial circles of your invitees. You can’t invite your friend Sally eight weeks before the wedding, but send out a last minute invite to her sister Margaret. If people are going to talk, put them both on either the “A” or “B” list together to avoid hurt feelings.
Some people find the idea of two separate guest lists to be highly offensive. If you feel this way, then there are a few other paths that you can take. One of the nicest things that a couple can do is to scale back on the luxury of the wedding to be able to include everyone who is near and dear to them. Maybe you have to have your reception in a mid-range hotel instead of a ritzy private club, but in the end, you may find that who you have at your wedding is more important than where you have it.
Other couples will find other cost-cutting solutions to be able to expand their guest list. For instance, you can have a brunch instead of a sit-down evening reception. Another way to cut expenses is to order your bridesmaid jewelry sets online. You can find truly beautiful handcrafted bridesmaid jewelry sets made from Swarovksi crystals and freshwater pearls – they will look like a splurge, but can actually be very affordable bridesmaid gifts. Some other things that you can order online to save on costs include wine (depending on the laws of your state), invitations, and wedding jewelry for the bride.
Whether you decide to have a two part guest list, or simply to cut your expenses so you can expand your guest list, the key is to be gracious. If you do have an “A” and a “B” list, be careful to keep that piece of information private. As long as you make all of your guests feel welcome and wanted, your wedding is sure to be a fabulous success.
Guy writes on many subjects including travel, customs and society.
Guy encourages you to visit www.SilverlandJewelry.com for lots of wedding jewelry ideas. He points out that Bridesmaid jewelry sets make a thoughtful gift from the bride.
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